Asset Building for Your Foster Child

By Ann Stressman, MA

The foster care system today leaves teens that “age out” with few assets for survival. Many end up in jail, homeless, or with nowhere to turn when a minor crisis occurs. In nearly all states, foster care payments stop when the child reaches 18, or graduates from high school. Although some foster parents would willingly keep these young adults in their homes, they cannot because of licensing regulations and agency requirements. 

Recent studies indicate that young adults in America are not truly independent from their parents until age 26, needing money, skills, mentoring or other non-tangibles from their parents for success in building their lives and futures. In some cases, the state provides “Independent Living” or “Transitional” funds for apartment deposits, furniture, and other needs. In many, teens attend Independent Living classes, which can be very helpful, but it is just not enough for any but exceptional children. Therefore, it behooves foster parents to do their best to build assets in these children to help them when they leave their foster homes.


I worked for over 10 years in social work, supervising children in care and licensing foster homes. I also fostered teens for 20 years in my home. Many of my former foster children have kept in contact with me and give me the opportunity to see how they survive on their own. This has led me to develop insight into their needs and failures in their young adulthood. In addition, I raised five birth children and 5 adopted children, which give me a “model” for comparison.

I have learned the following:

• The studies are correct. Parents are needed up to about age 26. Today’s complex society demands a greater length of time than in the past to “learn” to be an independent adult.
• Nearly all foster and adopted children seek out their birth parents when they reach 18 and these parents are frequently unable to help them, lacking in the skills the teens need most.
• Even if contact is limited, they gain much from association with adults who can mentor them, and in fact, probably cannot succeed without a mentor.
• These young adults need a place to call “home,” a place to go on Christmas, grandparents for their babies, and someone to teach them on a continuing basis.
• Many teens spend two or three years rebelling and engaging in self-destructive behaviors, or illegal activities before they mature enough to make a healthy choice and begin rebuilding their lives. During the rebuilding period, they have nowhere to turn. It is that crucial point in their lives that mentors could be the difference in their success or failure.
• Foster or adoptive parents must try to give them coping skills before the age of 18, and can also be the most positive influence in their lives during the first few adult years.
•  Many foster children grew up in poverty, and their families are seriously lacking in the necessary skills for survival.

Dr. Ruby Payne, of aha!Process, Inc. has worked for many years to assist educators with asset-building for their students. Her material has been incorporated into several programs to educate those in businesses, churches, and communities about the needs of those who have lived in poverty.

Payne's book, A Framework for Understanding Poverty, (aha!Process, Inc. 1996, revised 2005) has outlined many of the reasons for their lack of success when they attempt entry into the middle-class institutions in today’s world. Foster and adoptive parents should become familiar with those needs and use the knowledge to assist children leaving foster care.

Dr. Payne lists the assets needed for success. They include:

• Financial
• Emotional
• Mental
• Spiritual
• Physical
• Support systems
• Relationships, roll models
• Integrity, Trust
• Motivation, Persistence
• Knowledge of Hidden Rules

The training components for foster parents should include methods of teaching children about these assets, and concrete independent living skills. In my experience, some of the most helpful lessons can be learned in foster care, and carried forward into adulthood. Continuing contact with my own children—birth, adopted and foster—has show me what they learned in my home that helped them the most. Failures can also teach important lessons to us.

In my book, Parenting Someone Else’s Child (aha!Process, Inc. 2004), many of the skills needed are listed. In addition, I developed a structured program for both workers and parents to use for assessment and teaching. It has been gratifying to watch my children succeed and to hear from them what actually helped them do so.

Contact information:

Ann Stressman, annskids@hotmail.com or www.ahaprocess.com